Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
