I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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