just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
