Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
