He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
