New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
