my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
