I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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