oh god the rape fog is back!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nutella sex= disaster
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
