I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
