Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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