Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I stole a fireplace last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
