I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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