That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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