dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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