Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
