He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
