And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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