I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
