I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
