Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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