dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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