He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
