he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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