on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
