I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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