But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
