i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
