If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
