plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, beer. Big fan.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
