What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
