giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
