Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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