You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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