my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
