Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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