one two three fourrrrnication!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
