Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
