I smell stomach acid.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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