dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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