I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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