If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
