just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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