i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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