i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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