oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
