Your tits are I can't wait for
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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