Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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