Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
