I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
