What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
