I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
